As we approach the New Year, comics blogs often list their favorite comics of 2015, and perhaps highlight upcoming comics in 2016. At Nothing But Comics, we thought it would be interesting to showcase the comics that we probably WON’T see in 2016.
Barbie Kicks Ass! – Barbie uses guns and amazing fashion accessories to defend her Malibu dream house from an ISIS terrorist attack in this licensed five-issue toy tie-in comic from IDW, written and illustrated by Frank Miller.
Jar Jar Noir – When a hungover Jar Jar Binks – with no memory of the past 12 hours – wakes up naked in bed next to the blood-covered dead body of an Imperial Grand Admiral, he will have to elude stormtroopers, bounty hunters, and assassins as he races through the dark corners of the planet Coruscant. In this 12 issue Marvel Comics series written by Ed Brubaker and illustrated by Sean Phillips, the mystery isn’t “Who wants to kill Jar Jar?” – it’s “Who doesn’t?”
The Lost Boys – Alan Moore thought he signed a contract with Avatar Press to write a sequel to his literary porn comic Lost Girls, but the contract actually required him to write a licensed comic based on the 1987 vampire movie The Lost Boys. So Moore wrote this licensed literary vampire porn comic based on the movie, with illustrations by artist J. H. Williams III.
The Everlasting Infinite Super-Maze – In this ongoing Image Comics series written by Brandon Graham and illustrated by James Stokoe, a nameless robot (and readers) must navigate 32 pages of intricately drawn mazes in each issue. With no dialogue or captions, readers will wonder: A) Is this a comic book, or a puzzle book? and B) Why does Brandon Graham get a writing credit?
Hip Hop – In this four-issue comic from BOOM! Studios, writer Grant Morrison and artist Ed Piskor explore what happens when the Easter Bunny decides to become a hip hop artist in Los Angeles.
Vote Howard the Duck in 2016 – Howard the Duck ran for President in 1976, but why is he doing it again in 2016? Because someone has to talk about the issues the other candidates won’t touch! This ten-issue Marvel Comics series by writer Greg Rucka and artist Hope Larson will feature Howard taking on super-villains and super-PACs to save America.
Dave Chappelle’s Ambush Bug – Comedian Dave Chappelle writes the adventures of DC Comics oddball Ambush Bug, with artist Sam Kieth. The series will ask questions never before explored in the DC Universe, such as “Where can you buy quality weed in Gotham City?” and “Who wins in a game of basketball between Batman and Superman?” Also, Ambush Bug gets a new sidekick – the ghost of Rick James!
The Punisher: Guns Kill a Lot of People – When the National Rifle Association uses his image without permission in political ads denouncing background check legislation, Frank Castle gets mad! That’s right – in this five-issue Marvel Comics series written and illustrated by Howard Chaykin, the Punisher takes on the NRA.
Enos: Return to Hazzard – Does anyone remember the Dukes of Hazzard spinoff television show Enos? Apparently Dynamite Entertainment does, which is why the publisher licensed a five-issue Enos comic written by Bill Willingham and illustrated by Tula Lotay. Taking a break from fighting crime on the gritty streets of Los Angeles, Enos and his partner Turk Adams travel to Hazzard County for some rest and relaxation. Unfortunately, their visit to Hazzard coincides with Boss Hogg’s scheme to make money by summoning the fearsome cosmic monster Cthulhu!
Iron Heights: Scared Straight – DC Comics presents this dark prison drama written by Brian Azzarello and illustrated by Eduardo Risso. The series tracks the jailhouse adventures of an innocent convict whose overworked public defender failed to keep him from serving a long stretch in one of the DC Universe’s toughest prisons; the comic takes a hard look at unfair mandatory sentencing laws, high incarceration costs, and recidivism. If this comic sounds boring and too close to uncomfortable real-world criminal justice issues, don’t worry – Gorilla Grodd makes a cameo appearance!
Hot Garbage – Responding to a challenge from Nothing But Comics, writer Brian K. Vaughan attempts to create a comic book that isn’t any good. To this end, the Image Comics series is illustrated by Brian’s dog, Hamburger K. Vaughan. Will the comic be any good? Probably.
Puzzle Palace – Creator Matt Kindt writes and illustrates this Dark Horse Comics series about an elderly woman taking a nap in a nursing home. And that’s the plot. Or is it? Every word and image in this comic has a secret coded message for readers that unlocks other stories that are much more interesting. NOTE: The first issue will be sold with an exclusive Puzzle Palace magnifying glass signed by Kindt!
Batman 24/366 – In an epic endeavor, DC Comics will digitally publish a new Batman comic every hour of every day throughout 2016. That’s right – 24 Batman comics a day x 366 days (2016 is a leap year!) = 8,784 Batman comics! To accomplish this creative feat, DC rounded up every creator it could find, including writers Brian Azzarello, Scott Snyder, and Kanye West, along with artists Jim Lee, Neal Adams, and Hamburger K. Vaughan!
Totally Dark – In this suspenseful, groundbreaking Vertigo series from writer Scott Snyder and artist Greg Capullo, the world has gone… totally dark! The sun, moon, and stars are missing from the sky, and all illumination technology – light bulbs, flashlights, even candles – won’t work. Comics aficionados will love reading the pitch black pages illustrated by Greg Capullo!
Tea Time – In the first issue of this Image Comics science fiction series, written by Warren Ellis and illustrated by Francesco Francavilla, six eccentric scientists working for the British Ministry of Unorthodox Inquiry build a working time machine and devise a plan to kill an infant Adolf Hitler. They spend the next four issues smoking cigarettes and drinking lots of tea and whiskey while talking about the potential consequences of changing history. The series provides an anticlimactic but thought-provoking twist ending in the fifth and final issue.
Marvel’s Bait & Switch – What if a comic’s cover and solicitations promised readers a new standalone Iron Man story by Brian Michael Bendis and Bryan Hitch, but instead, inside was a reprint of a classic Fantastic Four story crafted by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby? That’s the premise of this innovative Marvel Comics series – you never know what you will get if you put this comic on your pull list! At $4.99 per issue, it’s a fun gamble for Marvel fans.
The creators and publishers referenced above were not involved in the creation of this parody feature.
The images above are the property of their respective owner(s), and are presented here for not-for-profit, parody purposes only under the fair use doctrine of the copyright laws of the United States of America.